Monday, January 31, 2005

Sayang

2 tahun:
"Bu, garukin, gatal"
"Sini sayang, ibu garukin"

3 tahun:
"Bu, mau makan es krim"
"Aduh sayang... gak boleh sekarang, nanti yah"

5 tahun:
"Bu.."
"main sendiri dulu yah, ibu lagi baca koran nih"

10 tahun:
"Kalau dapat merah, ibu bakal jewer telinganya!"
"Bu..guru nya jahat sama Rina.."
"Gak mau tahu"

17 tahun:
"Bu, garukin... gatal"
"Lho, kamu kan udah gede!"
"tapi kan beda kalo digarukin sama ibu"
"Hmmm...dasar manja!"
"Sini.."
"Sudah yah, ibu mo pergi kerja"
"Kita kan jarang ketemu ibu... kok pergi lagi?"
"masih pengen disayang sama ibu"

21 tahun:
"Bu.. saya mo kuliah lagi, boleh gak bu?"
"yah..terserah kamu.. enaknya gimana"
"kamu kan udah gede"
"tapi kan saya juga butuh arahan dari ibu"

"Bu..garukin"
"ah, kamu ini, sama aja dengan empat tahun yang lalu"
"tapi kan beda bu.."
"sini.."
"mau lagi bu.."
"ah..garuk sendiri"
"mau lagi bu.."
"anak manja... garuk sendiri"

26 tahun:
"Bu..saya hamil"
"kok bisa?"

"Siap-siap, nanti malam saya bawa ke dokter!"
"Buuuuuuuu..."



kasing sayang tidak hanya diucapkan, kan?
praktek kasing sayang grafiknya menurun seiring dengan waktu?


Alterra Building, 31 January 2005, 03:00 PM
"Sayang....", "Bu....." gak usah panggil sayang deh..saya udah hamil!"

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

to rewind

Almost three years before I finally stepped my feet again on the grass with horses around the earth street. I imagined eating the typical food; so dry but served not in dry condition. Typical foods in dry hilly areas.

In my not common breakfast this morning, I remembered the story in the dry land, five years ago. And this story will be remembered again next time: 3, 5, 10 years later. Like a cycle. There are stories that are kept, forgotten, and even kept and forgotten, like my concept of ERASE AND REWIND.

I miss you people in there... You tought me how not brushing teeth for three days is not a real problem in life. You chewed some stems for that, so did I and that was an experience.

8:10AM, 7511 JZ
for Pendulangan

tidak tahu laku!

berlari kecil dalam labirin biru berhias putih, melati. Mana ada jalan yang tidak kasar dalam dunia kita? sepi disini, kulihat kamu berjabat erat tangan disana, beriring sepi juga, pendek, merah, garis biru, rupiah, orang-orang, keringat, angkot, kendaraan tenaga manusia....

air disana, kamu menggapai bayangan saya jauh disini, panas, bergaris, kotak, tebal, koin-koin berbunyi dari sela baju, biru, hijau, coklat, putih, deretan huruf-huruf, berjabat tangan dan berpeluk dengan peluh, penuh bingung, asa, tujuan, dan doa...

di dalam labirin merah sana, kamu duduk, tenang, tunggu, dengan gabus air, mengapung, melihat lembaran, memberi merah, menyimpan putih, dan mensatukan semua dua, tiga, dan memenangkan saya, dengan bayangan...

dan di dalam labirin ini, kubermain dengan depan, sejuk, bergaris biru, tebal, koin-koin berserakan, deretan huruf, angka, tidak berasa, dan kata-kata dalam suatu undangan, jauh, dan penuh lingkaran...

semakin dalam, semakin tahu diri, dan tidak tahu diri, betapa kamu memegang garis biru itu, kecil, tipis, duduk, sepi, tertidur, dan bangun, tidur, bangun, tidur, menggapaiku disini, di benua lain....

saya, dasar tidak tahu malu, senang, sedih, ucap, laku, dan diri!
5-034, Hengelosestraat 99, 07:55 PM

Monday, January 17, 2005

V a l u e

Value does not see whether the stuffs are new or second hand. Values considers from whom the stuff is given or what memories sticked to the value. The two same hats can have different meanings and values. When the hat is given by one you love, it is more valuable than the hat you buy yourself.

When a friend of mine said that one should feel sorry to give his second hand thing to someone, I was protesting. It is "its value" that matters, not the "VALUES".

Workstation, Hengelosestraat 99, 5-5056
a ticket to Rotterdam FOUND, 05:02 PM

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Bonn, San Diego, Khartoum, Bonn (?)

Remember one day walking on the flowing river in one village with water-resistant boot in the quite-remote area in one province far there. I was equipped with a set of standard geological mapping tools: Brunton Compass, hammer (I was holding for igneous, for sedimentary was at my friend's, a map (manual, not in handheldcomputer), a pencil (HB), a ruler, an xxx, and a clipbard onto which the map are put when inputting data by pencil, and a field book.
I still remember starting from the plotting, sitting for a while with tens of questions: what is this? why is this in here? and so on and so on....
It was a walk to find a good spot to a river traverse back there. No GPS, and only counted on the manual navigation with a map and a compass. Some inaccuracies of course occured at the plotting of the location. Later, it was reported as inacuracies due to the plotting of the data with manual navigation. I am sure even with GPS, some inaccuracies would have been found.
There is no chit-chat at the camp before booking the data in a good and clean map and a clean and good field book. The map was then with symbols and colors based on some classes that had been predefined before, in the stage of field preparation.

It had gone two weeks, one month and we felt like not willing to leave the job that travels us. No internet (indeed, we were not really well-connected back then and there!), and was screaming when seeing one bar of signal strenghth indicator on the display of my Siemens C-35, my first mobile phone). Then, it was like we were very far from the the life and telling friends was something precious: WE ARE AT THE EDGE OF SOMETHING....

All the memories had been ended in a big applause after the presentation with maps hung all around the wall in a small room on top of the new building, back there and then!

Move forward to millions of seconds ahead after the big applause, I found myself with a sun glasses, short and an army-styled shirt in the Agri River Basin in Basilicata, at the border of Sant Archangelo and San Brancato.
I was equipped with a set of standard International (?) mapping tools. I put the handheld computer in which I could see the recent satellite images that had been georeferenced (UTM is the only thing I remember) and the orthophoto that can be overlaid each other. It was just like turning it on and wait for some signals and then I didnt need a pencil and a map to plot the things observed there. The maps were all linked into a table that worked in just twice clicking it, save and close the display.
It was under the 30 degree but I felt like having the good tense of working. Not only that, also to be recorded by photograph while taking data. So narcist. (I got comment on one pic put in my workstation: you were so xxxxxx (thanks my darling!)).
After a big and two-hour long (even sometimes more) dinner, the squared plastic box (Naldini, 2004) was turned on. I was so lazily syncronizing and inputting the data taken under the sun after the dinner that I thought can strengthen the relationship in one family. I will do that!
Chit chat and my long-haired friend sometimes asked me to a smoke at the back of the hotel. It was totally different as I used to spend time after transferring data by waiting for DURIAN to fall and to hunt for it under the dark with a small light with Energizer inside.
And the morning before leaving, we were so concentrating under the mirror stereoscope and discussion about the route to travel to be back doing routine after the field. It was the italian dinner that is still playing in here (above the eyebrow)

Those things broght me to a think about San Diego (to show that it's not difficult to get a US VISA under a strange name like mine) from a route from Bonn, San Diego, Khartoun and back to Bonn again to start the real journey of life afterwards.

I am sorry lady, that is not for me and I am not for you, at this time!

Bornsesteeg 10C-10, 11:15 AM

Friday, January 14, 2005

Dua dasawarsa

Dasawarsa 1

A: Why?
A: That is making good money
B: Because it is so office job!
A: Think about the money, just it. And send me the ticket to you with another A

the next day
B: A, I said no with good reason
A: Damn you, stupid!!


Dasawarsa 2
A1: Take it!
A2: That is office and not office job. You want that (question not mentioned, but felt deep inside)
A3: That is money!
A4: Think when it is already clear
B: (In my heart) Isn't clear if I was told to come to talk about technical things and some preparations before going?
A5: One thing will not come twice
A6: Whatever your decision is, I will support you
B: (In my heart) You love me more than I thought, indeed, thanks
A7: That is good for the last slary history
A7: You will get twelve times that what you regularly earn
B: (in my heart) 18 times, lol!
A8: So, you will be in xxxx?
A9: Congrats, see...everything is paid for you. That is a clear indication
B: (in my heart). I have much clearer indication than that!
A10: Long time ago, you told me this thing and idea. It is in front of you! why think? still remember me?
B: (in my heart) really? i forget who you are.. one of old friends? who? why not mention yourself? ...so, you found my little brown house?
A11: See what happens first, and take the decision!
A12: so, what about yours here?
A13: don't just let go what you have now. keep it in any way that you can
B: (in my heart) I think more than that, and I believe my thoughts are brighter that yours, in that case (smile by myself)
A14: when you get back, you can pay DP of 1 house
B: (in my heart) you are so fatherhood, husbandhood...
A15: great, marvelous.... bring me some things from there
B: (in my heart) you mean from Holland?

B thanks you all (like in Grammy Awards) to spend some minutes or hours to talk to me or to think about it before sleeping. and for many other A that said similiar words (learn yourself how to say not common SPOKEN words!!)

and for C, I should say please don't call me today!

one B in Hengelosestraat 99
10:13 AM. (Instead, I should think about the GIS Modelling, not both about GIS Modelling and (Managing) GIS Mapping)

Thursday, January 13, 2005

HUMAN or MONEY-tarian?

05:12 PM
...The Tone of Mexican Hat dance...

X: Good afternoon, this is Marry (spelling?) calling from XXX Headquarters in Bonn. Can I speak to ME (mentioned my real name in a poorly pronounced manner)?

M: yes, This is ME speaking (well-pronounced!)

X: This is Marry from XXX Headquarter in Bonn. I am calling to let you know that we already received your application, reviewed it and therefore we want to ask you some questions.

M: Yes, I did send the application.

X: We reviewed it carefully and found out that you meet our qualifications for the position. However, still we want to ask you some questions. is it a good time for you to answer some simple questions?

M: Yes, It is.

X: Okay, have you had experiences in managing group of people from different backgrounds?

M: Yes, I have. bla bla bla ... bla bla bla (selling myself!)

X: That sounds good. What about GIS-based participatory mapping?

M: Well, I did some mappings during my undergraduate study, including community particatory mappings. However, most of them dealing with xxxxx. But I think all as the same thing as only the objects would be different. In other words, the techniques are all the same. Frankly speaking, GIS-based participatory, I have no experiences but I am using GIS nowadays and I used to do one GIS-based xxxx xxxx mapping (include the community depending on the coast). Same as previous, only the objects would be different, techniques would be the same. And in my opinion, we call it GIS-based if we can store the result into GIS system and analyze the result using GIS. That kind of thing is not new for me, or I can say I can do that.

X: This position requires you NOT to do mappings but to manage mapping. How do you see this job?

M: One can not manage one thing before knowing the basic root of that thing. Managing mapping requires experiences in doing mappings itself. However, though having experiencing in mappings, one can not for sure be able to manage mappings. It needs other skills to manage. And I am confidently saying that I have the skills in managing people or mappers, to be exact. (HAHAHAHAHA in my heart)

X: Very good answer.

X: This is not interview, but a pre interview. Can you be in our office in Bonn on this coming monday morning 17 January? Travel expenses and other standard facilites; I can say standard; for intervew are provided, for your information.


.........silent for some seconds..........

M: Well, I have to tell you that this is a very short notice and I also have some plans for the coming week. Shall I just inform you tomorrow by email?

X: Then, let me call you tomorrow. What is the best time for me to call you?

M: anytime, but not from 12-2 in the afternoon.

X: Then, thank you for your time and see you tomorrow by phone.

M: You are welcome. Bye. (to night will be a hard time, as I have to think!)

05:41 PM, ITC's Laptop Cluster
Sometimes when it comes, you are confused. Bonn is too far from here, usually, it is not!

Then under the label of UN, I am thinking that that is not humanitarian, only money-tarian...

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

apa dan kamu dan pikir

apa kamu pikir?
kamu pikir apa?
pikir kamu apa?

kasi tahu aku....

tamparan itu berupa surat,
membangunkan lamunan,
singkat seorang lelaki singkat,
pikiran...

terlupa terselip di sela-sela hal-hal

apa kamu pikir?
tidak ada, kosong..
pikir saya bungkam!
bungkam(kan) pikir saya

kamu pikir apa?
tidak satu, tidak kosong..
tapi saya pikir bungkam!
bungkam(lah) pikir saya
bungkam(lah) pikir(an) saya

Pikir apa kamu?
pikir satu dua empat
tidak satu, banyak dua..
tapi saya terbungkam
bungkam(lah) saya

aku kasih tahu,
aku juga (ter)bungkam
dan tidak tahu,
buntu
buntu
buntu

iris hati,
dan mulut tetap bungkam
tenggelam...

dan (kamu) angkat saya dari (aliran) air-air itu...


Pikir apa (saya) tentang Aceh?
Sudut Beltstraat 1-12, 11:02 PM
...karna sebuah surat pembangun dari lady...
sama di kepala kita!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Hijau ke Biru

Untuk tiap rabaan halus, kumenatap tegak ke depan...
Oh, dulunya seperti ini...

dan untuk tiap rabaan halus, ke menengok ke belakang,
Oh, akan jadi ini nanti....

dan untuk tiap rabaan halus, terbayang langkah-langkah sendu,
berjalan tegak,
menengok
dan lalu hilang....

Dan untuk tiap rabaan halus, kusandingkan dua warna hijau dan biru..
Hijau besar, biru kecil
dan nanti akan menjadi besar....

kuraba... halus... dan kenangan-kenangan Januari, februari, maret, agustus, desember akan tetap tertoreh disana,
menguak luka dan suka lama....

Dan impian impian dan kenangan-kenangan lalu akan berubah tempat
sebagai bahan cerita buat anak cucu...

"bapak dan kakek mu punya harta yang banyak"
yang nanti bisa menemani tidur anak cucu ku!

dan tiap rabaan halus akan berakhir dengan warna warna sendu penusuk hati,
dan kuganti rabaan kasar hijau ku dengan rabaan halus biruku!

Tak sadar, telah kubantu Aceh dengan Rabaan Halusku,
meskipun sedikit


12:12 PM. Enschede 2005: Pergantian kenangan hijau ke biru

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Tahun baru 2005

melangkah, menerawang dalam gelap,
masihkah aku disitu?
masihkah berbatas ketenangan semu dalam sebuah tangga hidup?

berganti hari, bulan
waktu berjalan....
berjalan pulakah proses hidup itu?
atau sebuah status keharusan melangkah bersama waktu dalam ketidakserasian?

membuat banyak tawa dan gelak dari bibir-bibir merah,
inspirasi tertanam di balik bibir-bibir,
berkata betapa, betapa dan betapa
betapa?
segitu mudah mengeluarkan "betapa" buat ini?

lari dan membuat kaki-kaki itu turut melangkah bersama,
tujuan terbentuk dari derapan langkah bersama
dan "betapa" kembali keluar dari pertapaan
padahal dalam hati kecil ini, senyum buat "betapa" itu adalah absurd...

berkata mengikuti senyum bibir,
singgah lah di hati kata-kata bijak itu,
tinggalkan lah di belakang sesal itu...
semua buat "betapa"-"betapa" tadi...

dari kampung penuh gulita,
tinggi warna warni mengkilap cahaya siang,
dan tempat kecil setinggi kepala itu...
disitulah ada...
ku kubur "betapa"-"betapa" tadi....
dan kubangunkan lagi....

sungguh,
sungguh banyak perubahan "betapa" buat banyak Muhy
namun satu pertapaan yang masih singgah di gubuk kubus nan tinggi....


Tahun baru tidak harus merenung, bukan?
Beltstraat 1-12, 7511 JZ Enschede...
sebuah refleksi rute panjang,
rute 90221-7500AA-XXXXLN-7511 JZ-dan
kemana lagi?