Thursday, March 31, 2005

jangan memaksa

permainan-permainan dengan jalan cerita ini akan menemui lampu merah, dekat ini.. dalam waktu dekat ini.
Tidak ada yang kita bisa putar kembali, dan bersama-sama terayun-ayun di dalamnya, berteriak, menangis, merangkul, dan berpandangan satu sama lain, bersama untuk kemudian duduk dalam ritme putaran yang normal.

perjalanan panjang nan sarat akan segera di tunda, berhenti atau akan hilang. ah, betapa waktu menyesakkan dada kita, setelah membuat kita bersama dan tersenyum, berteriak, menangis, merangkul... dan berjalan bersama.

Bukan episode yang hilang, bukan serial yang tertunda, tapi dilema dua atau tiga rasa yang bercampur, dalam dua hari ini, tiga hari ini, atau tiga puluh hari kedepan. dunia ini tidak berputar, jika tidak ada tetesan-tetesan kecil itu, bukan? bukan..bukan itu...
tapi tetesan-tetesan hangat pembawa benih keakraban,persahabatan, dan persaudaraan, erat.

Bukan dunia jika ini tidak berliku, lurus, dan kembali berliku. tidak beritme rendah, akan tetapi naik, turun, dan naik lagi.. entah kapan kita turun lagi...

tidak ada yang terucap... hanya tatapan kosong, seperti dipasung. ah, dunia memiliki putarannya sendiri, dari sana.. lalu kesini, dan dipersimpangan jalan itu, kita bertemu.. berpisah.. dan bertemu kembali. kapan? jangan tanya saya.

tidak ada... jangan... dan semuanya akan kembali naik, turun, dan ingatan-ingatan atas sebuah pelukan dan tetesan-tetesan hangat sarat rasa akan terasa menghibur, menyakitkan, atau tidak berasa sama sekali.
dan, disitulah kita menilai arti kamu, saya, dan kita. sebab, kamu tidak ada di sisi saya dan kita, kan?

jangan memaksa untuk naik.... toh kamu bisa tersenyum disana, duduk, minum.. dan mengingat semua sambil lalu.. meskipun akan terasa sakit.

kusimpan air mata ini. buat kapan? nanti? besok? lusa?

atau buat pertemuan selanjutnya?



Wageningen, 31 march 2005

persimpangan


kita adalah orang-orang yang sedang ada di persimpangan jalan, dan bertemu satu sama lain di persimpangan jalan (quoted from sena's) Posted by Hello

wageningen, end of march 2005
buat orang-orang yang ada di persimpangan!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Sembunyi

Seperti bermain enggo lari, bersembunyi di semak, diatas pohon, dan diatap rumah yang nyambung dengan ranting pohon mangga yang besar. Ditemukan, hai... sambil malu, ketahuan. Ah, ketahuan. Tidak bisa sembunyi lagi... Padahal, bersembunyi, menyembunyikan diri, adalah hal indah. Begitu kan bu?
Tidak peduli orang akan mencari-cari ibu, kan bu?
Biarkan saja orang-orang pencari ibu sibuk berjalan, mondar mandir, membongkar tumpukan semak, untuk menemukan ibu. Ibu dengan tenangnya duduk, merenung, bersembunyi di tempat persembunyian.

Biarkan saja orang-orang itu kebingungan dengan diri nya sendiri, bingung memikirkan ibu... padahal ibu sibuk dengan diri ibu sendiri. Ya kan bu?

yah sudah bu, selamat bersembunyi.... biarkan saja orang-orang sibuk diluar persembunyian sana, mencari ibu, melihat ibu, dan menertawakan ibu... Toh, ibu cuek dengan mereka (saya setuju itu ibu), sibuk bersembunyi, menikmati tempat persembunyian, sambil makan salad sayur. Pas keluar, jadi seperti model di kalendar itu, berbodi singset dan bermata bagus. Ibu iri kan dengan dia? Ibu punya beauty yang lain. Yakinlah.

Sembunyi yang baik.... biar saja orang sibuk berfikir dengan hidup ibu. Hahaha, mereka membuang-buang energi yang banyak. Tolol mereka itu, ibu. Seperti orang tidak sekolah.

Ayo ibu, kita teruskan permainan enggo lari ini. Bersembunyi kita bersama, ibu disana, aku disini... Dan kita tertawa buat diri kita sendiri, di tempat persembunyian kita.


mencari tempat bersembunyi buat ibu

Buat "ibu" yang sedang bersembunyi.
Suatu saat, ibu keluar dan berteriak: Ciaaat... Berubah!!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

east

Once the east 17 said: "I have been around the world, there is no place like home"
but "east", where is the home?, me says.


SEEN THE SEAS SEVEN SAILED ACROSS THEM ALL
SEEN THE MOON RISE OVER PARIS AND I WATCHED HER GENTLY FALL

ON TO THE BEAT
KEEP MOVING NEVER STOPPING
THOUGH SOMETIMES
I FEEL LIKE DROPPING GOTTA KEEP ON AND BE STRONG AVOID THE WRONG
COS IN THIS LIFE YOU WALK ALONE
THROUGH THE DANGER ZONE UNTIL YOU GET HOME

TAKE ME HOME WHERE MY SOUL BELONGS

BEEN ABOVE THE CLOUDS THAT PAINT THE SKY
STOOD BELOW THE COSMOS AND I PONDERED ON A WAY

BACK TO THE TRACK IN FACT I'M BREAKING
THROUGH I NEVER KNEW THAT YOU WOULD
TURN AND WALK AWAY TO STAY
AND LEAVE ME STANDING ON MY OWN
FAR FROM ME
LIKE A NOMAD
SAD BAD


East, I am an eastern son here and there, but where is the home?
East, i am not in the east anymore, but i am still eastern.
so east, really, can you really lead me to real home?



borns 10C-10,
finding home from east to east,
where is the home?

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Closing time

Freezing time in Vienna, when again can we feel it? when again can we walk along the tall building in the city of Berlin, enjoying the walk with jokes?

Thousands of stories we made. We made the master of geo-information science and earth observation into the master of travellings. Dream places of ours had been materialized, together, with surprise and proud mixed each other. Small boys who walked through the famous places, that was what we always said in the journeys we made.

I am recalling the four seasons we had in here, spent seeing new places. Tens or even hundreds of frictions we had during the time, but we ended it up very well. We ended the travel time by doing some scientific things that sound promising if we keep walking on it. And here it is the very last of this episode....


When again can we walk the same steps?


De Hague, 21 March 2005 Posted by Hello

today, happy travelling back home Kuya!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Depan

Minggu ini, jumat ini..

jumat ini ada disini,
jumat depan ada dimana?
jumat depannya lagi ada dimana?
jumat depan depannya lagi ada dimana?
depan depan dan depan, ada dimana?
depan, depan, depan dan depan, ada dimana?



meninggalkan rumah buat rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana? seperti puzzle,
seperti kepingan-kepingan puzzle yang harus disusun, dan akhirnya juga berdiri tegak, kokoh, bagus berisi segala hal yang ada dipikiran kita.. hanya membawa dari satu tempat ke tempat lain dengan mudahnya... demikian mudah sehingga akan mudah pula untuk ditinggalkan.. biarkan dia hancur? siapa peduli... bahkan tak mau kutengok lagi ke belakang rumah itu, karena hasilnya akan membuat tertawa sipit kecil dan perih...

Kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana? seperti ular-ular kecil, bermain di pasir-pasir sungai (dimimpiku kutemui itu semalam), berjalan menyusuri semak-semak kecil dan besar, dan menjadi malu bertemu makhluk yang lain, ular yang lain... atau dengan sombongnya menaikkan muka kedepan, atas...
begitu liar untuk sampai ke rumah, namun akhirnya akan harus kembali, karena matahari itu begitu panas buat ular-ular..

kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana?
isi rumah sebenarnya yang mana? berdarah itu cuman awal kebersamaan saja, bukan? dan proses selanjutnya yang bermain, mau tetap berdarah.. atau menghapus darah itu menjadi kering, terbuka, dan menganga. Darah darah itu kering cepat, dan ada yang masih mengalir dengan membawa-bawa unsur-unsur hidup...

kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana? tengok saja kedepan rumah itu, ada apa disana, hanya beberapa warna monoton. Hijau, coklat, dan pagar dan tanpa pagar. Tidak pernah sombong membuka pagar besar dengan remote control dan keluar meluncur dengan harum dan harum dari lipatan halus kain halus. Keluar dengan bau dan lipatan yang hampir tidak berlipat...

kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana? kutengok suara-suara malam dari dentingan hirupan air panas... betahku di rumah yang sebenar-benarnya rumah, yang mana? kubuka dunia dengan tangan kecil bermimpi banyak.
alur-alur nya masih terlihat jelas dan terang disana, namun terasa sulit untuk mengikuti jalur-jalur terang dan terang disana...

kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana? akhirnya perkara memindahkan pikiran, barang, dan jasa saja... rumah, tidak akan ada yang sebenar-benarnya rumah. Sepuluh tahunan lebih kamu bergelut mencari rumah yang sebenar-benarnya rumah, bukan? tidak hanya sepetak tanah dengan bangunan kokoh diatas... Bukan tanah itu yang rumah, bukan?
aspal pun rumah.... bergerak...

kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana? beratus-ratus orang kamu tanya.. semua menjawab sama.. namun bukan itu jawabannya.

kembali ke rumah meninggalkan rumah? rumah sebenarnya rumah, yang mana?



rumah bornsesteeg 1, 10C-10.
kuingat rumah boulevard, oliemolensingel, beltstraat, sini, sana, sana, sini...
rumah yang sebenarnya rumah, yang mana?

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Hello, Goodbye

Sleeping safe in a dream world
protected by all that surrounds you
a beating heart
a gentle laugh
the touch of loving hands
And your future wasn't too far away.

We longed to see your smile
hear your cry and dry the tears
We longed to you teach all that we knew
and hold your hand in ours
But time has slipped away
softly. gently. quietly like the setting sun
upon evening's pale horizon.
And in an instant, you left--
(I'm not so sure I'll ever understand.)

There are still lessons to teach
and games to play,
sandcastles to build,
and kites to fly
Things to explore
and monsters to chase away in the night
But you've already gone.

So we cry our tears
and pack up the few reminders we have
of the brief life that ended
before you ever took your first breath
or your first steps--
hoping only that you'll be happy
wherever you are

By Wendy Lowery

Tidak, saya jauh!
saya merasa jauh dengan perkalian-perkalian itu!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Dirty Coin

After about one and a half years, I finally found the dirtest Euro coin I have ever seen. I had been looking for it to prove that this not only happens in Indonesia, and I found it in Schipol this morning.


the dirtiest Euro coin I have ever seen Posted by Hello


For my friend Paman Gober,
you left home for a home.

Friday, March 18, 2005

You supposed to be...

Attending graduation of Wageningen University was yesterday's wow (pronaunced "wau"). Sitting in the edge of the 5th row of the auditorium, I heard a joke from a Dutch lecturer to a Dutch student (I guess) sitting on the same row as I did. "hey, you supposed to be on the stage", says the lecturer to the student. The face of the student was reddening as I turned my face on her, while smiling, talking to myself: Wow, good jokes, touching. I left the row, smiling and thinking about the joke. very nice... high quality.

Sitting on a strategic location where I could take pictures and video of the graduants, I listened to the new Masters being requested to be ready to take the Master's Diploma. It was the diploma for the programme of the Earth System Science. Then, damn, I supposed to be on the stage. It is the programme I was applying for one and a half years ago, but I changed it to this due to several reasons. I brought my mind to many iff-then logic things behind. Of course, I would not be in this auditorium if I had chosen that. Or I might be in the auditorium, but being asked with a joke "Hey, you supposed to be on the stage", meaning that I did not yet
(if only I had taken the programme)

for me, may be sometimes, who knows. Nobody does.
For my friends, keep up the spirit, it is a matter of time!

From B to B

Moving, either temporarily or permanently, is sometimes something good, sometimes something bad, and sometimes something in between. The last day when I finished all packing to move, I walked around Enschede and talked to myself: I am going to say goodbye to this place. Amidst the walk, I seemed to ask myself: Will I say goodbye to this place? Then, taking pictures might be the answer to that question.

When I locked the door of Beltstraat 1, I remembered the question that brought me to taking pictures of Enschede: "Will I say goodbye to this place?" "Yes,I will", that was the answer.

Locking the door marking the end of Beltstraat 1-12? It was not! I gazed at the window of the number 12 facing the street ,gazing and recalling all the laughters I made and shared there. The memories there will be cherishing. Friends were made there, stories were told there, ideas were outcropped there and thousands of words written there, electronically and paper-based!

Moving, indeed this time permanently, is something that sometimes makes someone have to erase the many things that in many times make many "ones" be together. And that hurts, if you want to be melancholic. However, I believe that there is no melancholic for such a memory.

Goodbye Beltstraat 1 and Welcome me in Bornsesteeg.


The Beltstraat 1 Posted by Hello

Leaving Beltstraat is permanently this time, but temporarily in Bornsesteeg, unless time can bring me back to the surrounding of Beltstraat 1 sometimes later. Nobody knows, like the Tony Rich Project says.

Bornsesteeg is a 19-story student house of Wageningen University. There, living many friendly people to whom I shall thank for the new sisterhood and brotherhood that amaze me. You guys are really 'guys'! Thank you the 'Borners' and the people not living in Born, but I call them as 'Borners'!


The Bornsesteg Posted by Hello

Thanks this best friend for making me in Bornsesteeg.

a brown corner in Bornsesteeg 10C-10, 6708 GA Wageningen
(Hey, I found a brown corner in this room, like in Beltstraat)

Monday, March 14, 2005

menangis rumah

seribu,
sejuta...
bisa beli apa?
bisa kata apa?

beli kata,
apa?

harus tapi!

terlalu banyak sudah,
banyak.
seribu...
sejuta...

akhirnya satu juga,
menutup kotak biru
menutup kotak hitam
menutup kotak coklat
dan menutup kotak hijau

dan suara langkah yang terdengar,
hembusan nafas pedih,
dan tatapan ke belakang
akan langkah-langkah yang telah terbentuk.

Benar itu,
benar,
karena kuakan melangkah,
meninggalkan hitam terlihat disana...

andai kamu bisa bicara, menangis,
menangis kah kamu untuk saya?


05:36 PM, Selamat Tinggal Beltstraat 1-12
You are really a home for me!

Komunikasi

sejak 12 September 2003-14 Maret 2005, untuk komunikasi:

11 Asia Card @Euro 10
15 Cobra @Euro 12
5 Cobra @Euro 6
3 Asia Connect @Euro 12
1 Eurocity @Euro 12

a corner in beltstraat 1-12

As the last day I am formally living in Enschede, I am speechless and sad. Six months only yet this Beltstraat 1-12, 7511 JZ has been really my own home. I went home from work and I went home from the journeys I made, to this home. When I was in duty, when I was in the journey, I missed my home, which is this apartment, which is common thing.

One of the saddest things about my formally leaving Enschede is that I have to really leave my station. The idea, the friendship and the dreams had been outcropped from this station, which is a brown table where I put all ideas and spirits around me. I can see myself in front of me and I can see the things that become my spirits, in front of me.


my work station in Beltstraat Posted by Hello

Though not cover the whole station, I will be pretty sure that I will remember all the ideas that came from this station and all the memories when I was sitting and smiling by myself in this station, late at night and early morning before starting the daily life, back then in 2004-2005.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Finally

When you open the folded white thing I was holding, you will find words that I had been fighting for for one and half years. Fighting, while cleverly stole some time amidst the busy, crazy, turtoring hours in this building resulting this folder.


Formally marking the end of episode in Enschede Posted by Hello

ITC Auditorium, Enschede, March 11, 13.40.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

kamu menangis?

kemana pergi cahaya itu, bunda?
dibawa matahari?
malam kah ini?

pergi kah aku bersamamu?
kau bawakah aku bersama cahaya itu?
atau kau selipkan dimana aku disini?

aih, kapan?
ikuti saja kah cahaya itu?
atau akan dibawa kah bersama cahaya itu?

aih, dimana lagi?
ingatkah dengan langkah-langkah itu?
jejaknya masih terlihat?

atau kau lihatkah aku dengan cahaya itu?
atau kau biarkan aku berlari mengejarnya?
atau kamu tunjukkan pada saat ku berada di titik itu?

aih, kapan lagi?
aih, dimana lagi?
aih, bagaimana?



kamu menangis?

----------
sudut beltstraat 1-12, 11:52 PM
buat ari dan tatang, besok, aih.. kita meng-divergen-kan diri, selamat jalan. ketemu lagi?...
dan apakah ku benar-benar bagian dari kembali itu?

walking a meaningful life

To walk a meaningful life
you don't need money
expensive car or fancy namecard
It's more worth of
being true to your own values
beliefs and principles
doing your best
even in the smallest matter
and never taking for granted
the simple joys in life
like good weather, funny jokes,
and (surely) a loyal friend

For all the money in the world
can't make you feel content,
satisfied, happy nor loved
yet they are the very things
that make life worth living

Whatever way you define
happiness and success
may you find and enjoy them
in every second of your life

Congratulations as you graduate!

===================
Thanks Mer, a friend and an idol, for the congratz...
u2, congratz for always "jumping"
that is another achievement, and keep "jumping"!

Friday, March 11, 2005

second letter of the week

Dear Muhy,

Congrats on your graduation. An MSc! Gee, something that is still up there for me. Sorry I can not travel to Enschede to see you. I desperately want it though, but I really couldn't make it. I have to start a new project, and on the top of that, I got a fever. Something epidemic lately, I guess. And, sorry again that I can not help you move out of Enshcede, the way you helped me when I moved to Edinburgh. Anyway, have
a safe journey to Wageningen. Don't forget to stop by in Edinburgh one day. Hei, and dont' say goodbye to Enschede, you never know what will bring you back there.

Anyway, this is what I would like to say to you. Thank you for treating me with love and happiness during this past 1,5 year. For making sure I was taking care
of in , for listening to all of my late thoughts, for hours of talking via the telfort samen bellen, for being my postman in Enschede, for sheltering me while I am in Enschede and letting me smoke in your room,for sleeping so far away from me so you would not wake me up, for the endless care, and for making me so proud to have a special place in your heart.

I love you and I will miss you. I hope you will make your dreams come true and stay close to me. And good luck for the future!

XOXO

Monday, March 07, 2005

a walk

there is a walk on them, there is a walk to them..
and just walk, walk and walk; it will lead you to them..

Take all them with you, and walk with all them..
cause they all will lead you to them

and I will thank them
and I will feel sorry for them.

This is for us and them
as we walked for them and will keep walking.


2056-22279, cant wait for 430

Thursday, March 03, 2005

NOT

ploughing the track!
blur...

annihilate...
wipe it out
and tidy it up

as I will have no sense
by now
by then

it is annihilating
annihilater!

annilitor is only be lonely
and all fall down
and fall from grace!
(though not touched)

ploughing again and again,
but will not harvest
as everyday is snowy...
the days are snowy

so, count me on not
from then
by then


5056-22279...then, now is the time!
for my outcropped past time
keep it outcropped!