Kurasakan biru ditengah laut, dikelilingi rumput rumput yang jauh dibawah selam sana…
Mana kala bermimpi, lekas kucium jariku: kamu masih disana kasih.
Mungkin kena, mungkin juga meleset, tidak seperti peluru kecil bertujuan bulat hitam yang besar
Mana kala susah, kuhirup kamu masih disana tersenyum dengan dua lingkaran bulat yang besar, yang membuat bulatan saya menjadi kecil, terisi air, dan semakin kecil.

Dan kuingin menyimpan air-air itu untuk bulatan di lain kali, sangat.

Buat dua bulatan itu, berisi air.

Ingin ku naik di pohon gaharu itu
'tinggi nggak pohonnya?', Tanya dia cantik
'Tinggi, rendah, yah tergantung'
'kalau rendah, saya ogah', malas-malasan ku menjawab.

'Damai sekali diatas pohon tinggi ini' kuberkata dengan senyum
Kulihat mereka dibawah sana menengadah keatas,
melambai-lambai kepada ku, mengacungkan jempol.
'isap saja jempolmu!', kata temanku diatas pohon ini kasar.
--tapi suara kasarnya tidak terdengar dari bawah--

Kulihat bidadari cantik menghampiri dari pucuk pohon sebelah,
'Kutetap lebih tinggi dari pohon bidadari itu'

Tiga hari, tidak kurasakan damai lagi di atas pohon gaharu itu
Kuingin turun dan segera kepasar, kelaparan aku diatas sana.
Lalu aku membuat orang tua itu membuat tulisan gaharu terlarang
Orang-orang takut mendekat, ujarku bangga.
Sampai sekarang, rumah pohonku tetap bertengger disana.

'berapa?', kata orang kaya menawar pohon gaharu-ku.
Tak kujual dengan uang.
'kamu mau mengganti dengan kepuasan?', 'macam mana?'
Lalu orang tua menyebutkan kekayaan demi kekayaan yang dia miliki
'wow, ujarku hampir terlena'

Itu dulu, kupertahankan rumah pohon ku dengan gigih,
Tak akan kujual rumahku, atau tidak akan kuganti dengan apapun.

'Sekarang beda', kata tuan tanah kaya yang membeli pohonku,
Jauh lebih mahal dari patokan harga duluku!


buat pohon mahal: sembunyi!
June 26, 2005

How lucky we are. This planet we live on is truly blessed with an amazing diversity of life.

Life, in one form or another, can be found in every environment on earth imaginable. From the poles to the equator, in freezing waters or dry valleys, deep on the ocean floor to miles up in the sky, life has evolved and diversified to adapt to survive just about anything the world throws at it.

Yet, we humans know surprisingly little about the life on planet, Earth. We don't even know how many species we share it with. How immensely sad that we could lose some of that life without even knowing it was there! Some scientists believe that we are living in a time of the largest wave of extinctions for 65 million years, when the dinosaurs disappeared from the world.

Is it worth saving? is it worth living? for me as a lifelong lover of nature (mmm...), these questions needs no answer. But how can we stop the destruction that we wreak in our quest for a more sophisticated and confortable life style for all? How do we balance our needs with the needs of the planet? (i adore this question). Again, those questions need no answer, yet need voice, action, commitment and support. Start from yourself, your friends, your surroundings, and going global speaking large scale actions. When you start from yourself, it is a small project and seems to be neglectable. However, when it is socialized with your friends, surrounding, the friends of your friends, the surrounding of your surrounding, then it becomes a big project, a project that needs no money lobbying in it but realization.


I should have posted it on the world environmental day, couple of days ago.
For me, I make everyday as the world environmental day; no official mark.

in a dark room, 09:58 AM, June 25, 2005

It is not the coordinates that matter, yet the way walking on the coordinates. Coordinates are only to plot, to witness the laughs and the sweat that was rarely appear. To bring you to another coordinates is another thing that was cheering. Remembering all the picking-up and the run to the meeting point, the late that was colorful, the hug in the dark and the walk side by side while gazing, whispering not want to let go. As if there had been a bomb that was ready to be exploded, we kept walking though, even with the bad sharp-edged thing ready to attack us, round around around us. The cold silent night, waiting, gazing, hugging, talking, kissing, riding together, mid night talk, I am missing them all.... Not the coordinates that matter, yet who you are with on the coordinates, I miss the one on those coordinates.

Late night, feeding ourselves, eating while gazing; no stop looking at the one you are with, on our own coordinates that were not defined by anybody, that nobody could ever find. Then, the minus became plus, the one became two, the two became three. That was the way to walk on the coordinates which was hard to find, yet we did and we did walked upon it. Do not ever want to let go.

Promising to create a world of our own, the world with some definition that we create, not interfered by common thing in the world that people walk upon (harmful way). Harmful not dangerous, who said so? Now the look in the eyes that trembles. When it started from the nail, the forehead and the look and the sad stories that were told, that being poor is nobody’s dream, that being alone is nobody’s will, that being “small in the bigs” is not normal and is being avoided by everybody. The coordinates may matter in this thing: that expression is not the same in any place that you visit. Bad look, good gaze, sympathy are things that have to be prepared. Crushed, of course, is there anytime, need some good basic installation things that can not be sticked to everybody’s mind. Then, let go oneself is the answer, to find the identity that is there but not found. No meaning to go permanently, just to take the lost identification, then come back (for short time) to again start the next wandering.

There was an event in that coordinates when the closing of the head should be opened. Walking in the small road, dark and nobody’s passing by, to reach the sun through the window, to laugh or just to see far there from the eyes. Drinking while being worry of not connected: thus had to go back with the closing of the head, being connected with you and the house of the sipirt was reached. Ending up the days with confusion, with a hope for tomorrow, with a spirit to run the night, with you over there, far in the ear, near by the very soul.

Morning eyes withness the beauty of (artificial) nature, walk in later realized to be an (artificial) way.


To the soul I am separated from,
Yellow table, 08:14 PM: I dont mind being on any coordinates (not mine)!

Tak
Tik
Tak
Tik
Tak
Tik

sepertinya ada bomb waktu, siap meledak,
Meluluh lantahkan semuanya.

Cuek aja ah, gak peduli.


Menanti bomb meledak
ayo dong, cepat-cepat, sudah gak tahannn.
(bomb hanya sebuah istilah)

Bang, bersuara keras
Banggg, makin keras dan menggema
Bangggggg, mengiang.

Di lorong kecil aku,
Berjalan diikuti tutupan beton di bagian belakang langkah
Langkah sekali, ditutup dari arah belakang
Ku menunduk terdiam, melihat kebawah,
Dan dorongan beton dari belakang tetap mendesak
Lalu ku akhirnya berjalan
Kokoh namun terseok, aku.

Bang, dan makin menggema ditelinga
Suara penunjuk waktu telah terdengar!
Banggg, diseretnya aku dalam putaran baru
Bangggggg, berdetak memicu.
Mengiang.

Di lorong kecil aku
Di dunia besar aku
Semakin aku besar,
Semakin aku kecil, semakin aku kecil
Sadar aku, semakin besar

Dor, tertembak aku,
Mati langkah.
Dilorong kecil ini, dengan bawaan yang banyak.

Dor, permainan berakhir: game over!
Kamu menang dan kalah
Aku kalah dan menang.



KUasa, jawabannya.
buat beberapa minggu di Tanah Baru, 00:42 AM

I was running for an e-post office, a "box" consisting of some letters, more to be a line with letters rather than an orange (reddish?) box, a box in the post office. It was a run for a post far there. It took me couple of hours to warm up before running by preparing documents: editing, adding, and pdf-ing. There I go, ready and prepare to do the action in only one click. Then, it disappeared, lost, gone, in some hours.

Had it been awarded to one? closed in some hours? unbelieveable. It had not been there one hour before I saw it, and when I came back to click, it had been gone. Unbelievable, opening and closing one post in some hours, not days, weeks, moreover months! Then I realize, it is within some hours (seconds to be extreme) to gather, short-list and choose qualified person, in this developing continental consisting of developing countries.

internet morning glory, 21 June 2004.

Would be happy to compete with qualified ones!

tanpa dugaan, tanpa arahan
kunci, kertas, lalu benda hitam yang keras, besar.
ada juga yang kecil!

naik, terguncang, dan weeping inside,
puas.

selesai kapan? tak tahu, tak pernah puas!
ku ucap itu berkali-kali, meski tanpa arahan.
benar, ku tak tahu jawabannya!

dan setelah tertidur, kuada disana.
kulihat tulisan tujuh huruf itu,
kumau lagi! karena tak pernah puas.

Bukankah itu awal dari semuanya?
mimpi lama tak pernah puas, he!

iya, kuingat!
dan kukejar.

Kuingat dirimu!


The island is on the air, 10:58 PM
at the new corner

Berjalan saja, diam saja, hirup, kuhembuskan, kurasa, hanya itu.
Kuingin hanya itu.
Kau buat aku tersenyum untuk sebuah cinta.

Buat dia di sana. saya kamu.
di ujung sebuah pulau, 19 Juni 2005, 01:39 AM

When asked whether I liked travelling or not, I was thinking of visualizing a map (made in GIS) showing which places in the world I had seen so that I just can smile and let the one who asked see the map. Travelling is not in everybody's soul, indeed (based on my observation). Some can easily say I am mad about travelling without knowing the concept of travelling. What is the concept? I am still finding it out (about the general and acceptable concept of that word). I guess it is not just setting your feet on the different land, take picture and go. The idea is to feel the life there, and live as the way the native people there live (my own concept).

Without Hongkong plotted, I have seen these countries in red. Still have to discover the life in other places as well, encouraged by some words from a song: you are still young and there are so much you can do, go and see. I am young? ja ja ja.

And there you go, I only visited countries plotted below. Only 6% of the total countries in this universe.



create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Campaign for anti-narkoba is now marak digalakkan. Not only on TV and other media, but along the street, billboards are dipasang so that issue nya can be really mempunyai gaung. Pemerintah kota should however memiliki ahli bahasa to be able to inform people and tourist probably showing that the city (where the billboard is dipasang) sangat anti narkoba and encourage its people not to try. What happens if ahli bahasa is not involved? then, the meaning can be berbalik arah. Instead of yelling not to try narkoba (which is correct in bahasa Indonesia), the bilboard indeed encourages the people to hide drug. Hehehehe. What does the written mean? Pakailah bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar, namun dont use English in Indonesian way.


illiterate

This picture was taken from this, yang dikirim oleh this.

I am only memasyarakatkan ilmu komunikasi, which is important karena tanpa komunikasi, tidak akan berjalan sebuah hubungan yang harmonis. Ja ja ja.

Kemana tawa itu, ditelan kebohongan ditengah tawa
Langkah kaki bercerita dengan cerita luar dengan tawa
Pincang kaki ditindih tawa luar, ditutup dengan kebohongan
Peluh tawa berisi kebohongan, tertutup dengan keterbukaan

Tanyakan alasan tawa buat orang, buat eksistensi, buat kebohongan
Tanyakan buat apa “berapa” itu, buat kebohongan
Tertawa lalu bertanya dan sesal setelah: kenapa kebohongan?
Problem jika tak tertawa? Atau tertawa terbahak dan menggema, mengganggu?

Asing, janggal. Tertawa itu akan ganjal. Tidak akan diterima oleh orang.
Even datang dan mengemis dengan pertanyaan dasar,
Sebuah protes dari suatu cerita, dari penerima, tak berdaya.
Ha ha ha yang akan menjawab semuanya, lalu akan duduk diam, tak berdaya,
dan mulai lagi tertawa perih penuh kebohongan,
dan jalan-jalan penih cinta yang palsu.
Bukan ahli palsu, ahli bohong, we name it, tetapi ahli tutup cerita (sambil bohong)

Tak akan punya daya, tak akan punya jawab.
Kan jawabannya telah jelas?
Butuh pagar hijau untuk menahan sakit, derita dan ketakstabilan mental.
Problem jika menganga depan semua orang?
(atau membuat orang menganga, tercengang)

Tak akan kupersilahkan mereka melihat lidahku,
Biar aku rasa lidah ini sendiri, sampai norma itu berubah total, atau kembali ke rules yang dulu.
Tidak, buat ulang saja!
Iya, buat lagi, dan tata dari awal bersama-sama, dengan modal rata.
Tak akan ada bisik dan ha ha ha.


Buat hidup, kamu buat saya hahaha.

Barusan kau bisikkan kata cinta, sambil tertidur. Barusan kamu mabuk?
Tak ingin kau sudahi percakapan besar antara kita, karena besar bicara itu. Tak ingin aku lari?
Kau dentangkan alunan itu di telingaku, dan saya menikmati sambil tertawa, malu, geli, dan sedikit takut. Begitu besar keinginan kamu untuk memegang kemudi putar yang tengah dialunkan?

Barusan kudengar auman suara harimau. Mimpi!. Bukankah kamu akan menyelamatkan binatang-binatang itu dari api?
Cinta dan api, kamu telah membawa dua hal itu kehadapan dunia sempit. Lorong-lorong yang terhindarkan untuk dilewati: busuk, bau dan bahan tertawaan. Padahal di lorong itu terdapat kedamaian: aku bisa berhayal dan membangun dunia INTERNET bersamamu, tanpa gangguan orang-orang berbau harum parfum dari Paris.

Tidak mau aku berjalan dalam lorong itu, ah. Kubuka jalan lebar swadaya buat dilalui, buat aku, kamu, kita. Swadaya, dua daya bukan? karena melibatkan pengorbanan aku dan kamu.

Besok kita akan menikah!


Buat calon istriku,
siapa gerangan? kamu kah? kamu siapa? kamu dimana?

You offered me enjoyment of my definition, but sorry my love. There are several things behind the offer; good for you to see, but not good for me to walk upon.
You, yeah, you know what I want to fill my life with. But again, you come with a "board" behind you, which is a firewall for me. You dont know that!

So my love, sorry, thanks for the offer. If only you were another international thing with nothing behind, I would be yours at least for some years ahead before I find another fact for my definition of enjoyment. You already come twice, not polite not to accept you this time, but you have the firewall for me, which I want to let go!

But my love, I want to see you on holiday, that is all probably, or for some short term things without nothing behind, which is impossible, as I avoid long term with you.

May be you should blame my brain, my love. You have money my love and you can buy people, you know that.



Thinking about the second thing that came. Hope the happenings after the thanks-but-no-thanks will come again, but please, not that long!
00:51 AM, June 6, 2005, at this round table making me smile.

I guess I haven't done anything for my environment. Havent, for a global and scientific thing touching the society directly. I am still keeping some plans for a direct action that have been spanning for some couple of years. "Only a matter of time", my friend said, "and some sacrifices", I replied in my heart.

This is the World Environmental Day 2005
What have you done to the environment?

"How much shall I receive?" is not a weird question even directly asked when you are submitting a proposal for a project in the local (moreover/and national) government in here. That was a statement given (in Bahasa Indonesia) by a friend of mine who is a PROJECTOR; jumping from one (local) project to another. Following are like "How much for A?", "for B?", and "for C?" (say A is top, B is second top, C is assistant of B)

When one is accepted as a government employee, the questions follow the shakehands signing congratulation such as: "how much did you pay?", "who is your back up?", or "is it a jabatan basah or tempat basah?" No more like those questions in this time, honey!.

Though you are expert, having good titles behind your name, outstanding and some other sincere things sticked to you, but without having someone backing you and your paper up and being ready to "spend first earn more later", you will not successful. "Live with your titles and sincere things; they are not edible!"

"I have spent like Euro 2250 to get Euro 52,000",
"I am backed up already, thus spent like I said"
"Just pray for me, you are the expert!, you know"

Those are hot to hear, but what can I say? Just smile and smile, then take a deep breath.

for the afternoon talk I heard and told,
Gosh, "my father" is a bupati.

Diluar banyak air, deras mengalir
Orang-orang hanya bisa melihat indahnya aliran itu
Tahu, jika menghancurkan, walaupun menyejukkan.

Tangisan, tidak sampai ada
Melainkan joke-joke sederhana membuat ketawa
Aliran vertical terus tetap berlangsung, dan tawa-tawa perih pun tetap ada.
Kenapa harus hilang? Meski dengan kaki basah rawan penyakit

Teringat-ingat keinginan ditengah jatuhan vertikal
Bukan makan yang inti, melainkan kering kaki ditengah jalan
Biarlah berdebu, asalkan jangan membasahi bumi kami
Mimpi-mimpi yang bercabang-cabang, sampai akhirnya berujung titik kecil
Luas tanah komplek, sejalur, beberapa kotak,
sampai akhirnya tidak ada alur-alur kecil diantara keduanya

dan yang rendah pun menjadi tinggi,
sedangkan rendah yang lain menjadi hilang.
Teringat pungutan plastik-plastik padat diambangkan aliran
*masih akan padat, padatan tadi*

Bisa tertawa diatas kecut kami, bersih diatas kotor kami
Ha ha ha, tertawa namun malu sekali diriku
Ha ha ha, tertawa namun keji sekali perlakuan terhadap kami
Apa yang salah dengan kemiskinan?

Orang-orang keriput itu tetap berjalan dan mengepul,
Tetap membaca nan syahdu.
Bertahan dia dibalik benteng luasnya, tidur dia di dalam dingin.


Newfoundland, Indonesia, Buat dulu-ku.

Riak angan ditiup angin. Kamu pernah bercerita tentang angin di Nias.
Tiupan bernuansa cinta bagiku, kau ucapkan tidak hanya sekali, dan tidak hanya tentang Nias. Kuingat kamu di Nias.
Kau rangkai cerita mesra tentang hidup disana, dan kudengar rangkaian cerita cinta tentang Nias-mu. Kuingin menuju sana. Bukan, bukan Nias, bukan Aceh, tetapi dimana kamu berpijak!. Ingin kuhirup udara pijakan kita berdua, bersembunyi dibalik tirai malam, dan tertawa diantara angin. Bukan angin Nias, bukan angin hembusan dari daerah sini, sana, situ, tapi angin hembusan pijakan kamu.
Jauh disana, ingin kurasakan bersama. Lari dari hembusan bosan, lari dari hembusan ketakutan akan ketakutan, dan memulai dan menjelajah semuanya, dari atas ke bawah, lalu kulihat matamu membelalak karena mataku….

Bukan, bukan di Nias, tapi tempat dimana kamu berpijak,
dan pun, aku berpijak: kuingin menghirup udara bersamamu,
menyelami arti dunia bersamamu.

Kuingin ada di NIAS, June 02, 2005, 02:48 A.M.

THIS IS A POSTING!

At this first expensive connection, a person called MOM CON buzzed me and asked me how I was. I told her that I was okay and missed her and the girls sitting behind her. She was really a mother, and a father of herown. I will catch you later MOM CON.

At this first expensive connection, I buzzed a person named SENNEH. I emailed my darling, my love (LOVE is only a common term) and my friends whose emails have not been replied yet. Nothing special.

At this first expensive connection, I bring myself back to the reality shows I made. I am not making the shows now but I am missing making the shows and am building the tracks to the shows. The land called Africa will probably the place to show up; to live and to laugh and to share. Ja ja ja, that is not a joke.

At this first expensive connection, the sound woke me up from dreams. Yet, I am going back to the dreams.

Ja ja ja, dreams into reality, like this first expensive connection which last 'nobody knows' and is everybody's dream in this archipelago.



Round table at the oasis, 02 June 05, 01:20 am
MOM CON is a fake mom, LOVE is a term and EXPENSIVE depends how we see it.